Funny Christmas Shirts – Rude T Shirts – 3 New(ish) Xmas Tees

Funny Christmas Shirts Background

There's nothing more worthless than funny Christmas shirts in January – or Xmas tees which should be selling like hotcakes in November/December, but which aren't, because nobody knows about 'em. Gah!

So, yours truly is a freakin' idiot. First, I designed some funny Christmas shirts for the 2018 holiday season, but then ran outta time to promote them. Before I knew it, the Xmas season was over. I vowed to myself to make sure this oversight did not happen again. Which it has—almost!

The joke, as it frequently seems to be, is on me.

D'oh!

So here we are, at Thanksgiving, and I'm almost out of year again—not to mention the time people need to find and order tees, much less make them and get them shipped in time for Santa. Well, I guess I'll have to be happy selling a few online and hope for much better action next year.

Again!

Where does the damn time go? Huh? Please tell me, dawg, 'cause it seems like years get shorter with every passing one. It's almost to the point where you blink twice and you're suddenly staring down death—as indicated by yet another depressing New Years “celebration” point towards the Big Finito.

Oh boy. Depressing. Not the mood to be setting here for funny Christmas shirts, or even rude t shirts or really, Xmas tees of any kind. Yikes!

Happy Holidaze, One of Our Xmas Tees for Cynics

If the holiday season has got you in a funk, do what half of Amerika does these days—self-medicate! It's a lot easier to get through a stressful day (or two, three…) with the fam when you're so buzzed you're feelin' no pain—of any kind.

Funny Christmas Shirts - Rude T Shirts - 3 New(ish) Xmas Tees 1
Happy Holidays? Nah. Happy Holidaze. The Christmas season tee that isn't afraid to acknowledge the ground truth. To wit: peeps be getting buzzed for the holidays!

Not that I'm advocating consumption of “drugs” or anything else. I'm simply acknowledging that people tend to get hammered during the holidays, for a number of reasons…

  • Sometimes because they're happy.
  • Sometimes because they're sad.
  • Sometimes because they simply can't deal with the other half of the family anymore.

And if you're lucky enough to not need your drug of choice as a respite from the holiday drama—but simply because you can and you want to—so much the better.

I have a feeling Santa would approve! Ho, ho, ho… hum.

Say, you don't really think that jolly old Saint Nick's ruby-red nose is entirely because of the cold, do you? You don't really think he's only drinking 7/11 coffee out of that thermos during those bitterly cold winter nights in which he's making millions of kids dreams come true, do you?

Whatever your reason, why not acknowledge the obvious and have a bit of fun while you're at it? If nothing else, you'll bring a bit of joy (and laughter) to the hearts of others during the Christmas holiday season, and isn't that what it's all about? It's certainly what my Happy Holidaze design is all about!

Just please indulge wisely, and do not drink and sleigh ride!

Merry F'n Xmas; Rude Enough for Ya?

If you're like me at all, you have less patience for the Christmas season as the years ago. Especially since, with every passing year, they start puttin' out the laurel leaves and bunting earlier and earlier. Time was (here I go again, dating myself) that the holiday decor didn't start going up till well after Thanksgiving. Now it's going up about the same time as the Halloween decorations are coming down, and I don't mind telling you, it's getting increasingly irritating.

Funny Christmas Shirts - Rude T Shirts - 3 New(ish) Xmas Tees 2
Sick and tired of being sick and tired? Burned out on all that fake, forced “Christmas cheer.” Well then—fuck it! Be loud and be proud. Show 'em how you really feel! ‘Cause guess what? Everybody else secretly feels the same freakin' way!

Perhaps the big retailers (what's left of them) should show some good ol' audacious all-Amerikan initiative and declare Thanksgiving and Halloween to be nothing less than Christmas preludes.

Why deny it? Why pretend anymore? Why not get with the program?

Heck, they could start it off after the 4th of July and give us six full months of saturation marketing while they're at it!

I can hear it all now: “Incredible Christmas Savings in July! Act now!”

“Avoid the Christmas rush! Shop for school and the holidays at the same time!”

So for the “Christmas is sacred” purists out there, I apologize in advance for my very rude t shirts in general, and “Merry F'n Xmas” in particular! Now go buy one! 😉

Bah Humbug, Our First Funny Christmas Shirt

The last of our AAATEE Christmas Collection (ahem), but certainly not least, is one of my oldest designs, done for some friends a few years back (overnight, as I recall). I love it for it's totally clean simplicity, and the smiles it evokes around town whenever I wear my own. Which reminds me, mine is getting a bit dog-eared. Time to order another!

For those who skipped English class and/or never saw a single version of what is perhaps the single most famous holiday story of all time (yes, including the Nativity), this design is based on the infamous and oh-so-repeatable “Bah humbug” refrain of the marvelously wonderful Ebenezer Scrooge. You know, the shitty old miser from A CHRISTMAS CAROL!

Blue "BAH HUMBUG" t shirt, graphics showing snowflakes, Santa Hat and lettering.
My infamous “Bah Humbug!” design, for the Scrooge in us all. Available in many colors, S-XXXL.

My Personal Bah Humbug Backstory

My affection today for the thoroughly awful (though ultimately redeemed) skinflint and scalawag Ebenezer Scrooge probably has something to do with my having been cast in the role for the local park production of the famous Dickens story.

This was at age 10 or so, when Mann was more aspiring class clown and cutup than dour, brooding artiste.

This was also, alas, during a time when Amerikans believed in both A) art, culture and literature, and B) public support for the arts. Sigh. In other words, ancient history now.

At any rate, the young Mann played the role quite seriously and proficiently, earning both the play's opening monologue honors, and plaudits for the performance of a lifetime, though admittedly a rather abbreviated lifetime to that point.

Had my parents been smarter (ahem), the rave notices from this illustrious turn could well have been parlayed into child stardom, fame and wealth. An oversight made all the more unbearable and awful, in clear hindsight, given my father's connections to the entertainment biz in Hollyweird, CA. But then again, we all know how the child stardom thing doesn't seem to work out all that well, so maybe good ol' Dad knew something then I didn't. Nevertheless, as they say, it's all water under the bridge, and a story for another time.

More Rude Tees, If You Please!

T shirts and rude go hand in hand. They always have. So while I may be one of those dangerous free thinker types that Trumplicans and “Christian” conservos (“Praise Geezus, praise the Lawd!”) would prefer be sent to the camps (or maybe just put in cages along with brown skinned babies desperately seeking asylum from South of the border), I don't want to entirely break with tradition.

After all, rude tees are a long time favorite and personal specialty. To that end, we've got some that are sure to upset at least some of the “stuck up sticky beaks” you know (to use a particular favorite Monty Python phrase), with many more to come. A small sampling of what's currently in the offiing is shown below.

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